from the front range

years ago, when i still lived in the states and was less cynical about the direction of americans and of the empire itself and more cynical about my own direction, i lived in boulder, colorado, a place that sits just at the eastern base of the rocky mountains, the front range, as it's called.

i was in the aftermath of a divorce that was mostly my fault--though that is true, it's also true that she never took very much of her share of blame for what, at the time, was the worst idea for a marriage that had ever been conceived.

from that marriage, i went immediately into the arms of a woman i'd known, and for whom i'd lusted, since childhood. it was easy to run to her because she was the antithesis of every woman i'd ever been with up until that time. we had been dating for over a year when we moved to boulder, though, truth be known, we should never have dated that long. and, lo and behold, not long after we got to boulder, we broke up in a nasty way, involving all kinds of sordid actions.

i spent the next two years uninvolved in any sort of committed relationship, questioning my lot in life, living in lowlit bars, upended bottles, and unhooked bras. i wrote a lot, too, though i wrote less poems than i did short stories and philosophical treatises, missives, and crap. the poems below are just less than half of what i actually wrote, poetry-wise, while i was in boulder and they mostly involve drinking, disrepute, and melancholy. until this time, i had lived a charmed, upper-class life: i had had all the things and was involved in so many of the things that i today, nearly a decade later, despise. after this last breakup and a myriad of shameful things, i began to live a most different life, a life far removed from that of privilege, i pushed myself to the lowest of lows to escape that which haunted me, but i emerged with a much different view of people and the world, views that have shaped much of my life since then and how i look at things today.

these poems are a reflection of my thinking at that time and give a very rarely-given glance into my life at that time...